Missing You
by Shizuku Tsukishima749
Summary: In knowing her, I’d known my soul mate. In losing her, I’d lost my life. Adam/Sarah
1. Taken

_A/N: _This is yet another Adam/Sarah story I've published for all of you. I'm sorry if you're getting annoyed with my Adam/Sarah obsession, but there's just something about them...I can't explain it... Anyway,this is about the days before, during, and after Sarah's death. Be aware that this is _my _hypothesis pertaining to what happened in that time frame, so it's not written in stone! Oh, yeah, and this is in Adam's point of view, which you'll find out as soon as you begin reading!

Disclaimer: I do not own Kyle XY or anything affiliated with it. ABC Family and any other company associated with it does.

* * *

**Missing You**

The day Sarah died, so did I.

Each day I somehow survived without her was one more chink in the wall I'd built to surround my heart since I'd lost her.

In knowing her, I'd known my soul mate; in losing her, I'd lost my life.

That had been twenty years ago…

* * *

I'd run from her. She was my whole world, and when she started falling apart, I did everything I could to help her. It wasn't enough, and I found myself powerless; I was only able to stand by and watch her break further. Finally, I couldn't take anymore…and I left.

The day she vanished from my life, I was conducting an experiment, completely concentrated aside from the part of my mind that unendingly thought of Sarah. My guilt over leaving hadn't lessened since the day I'd walked out, and the concept of calming the section of my mind belonging to her was unthinkable, for it would mean I really had given up on her. Of course, I hadn't; I loved her.

Suddenly, I felt a painful pull on my heart, like nothing I'd ever felt, and the test tube previously in my hand shattered against the desk at which I had been working as I jerked backward, though not of my own will.

Instinctively, immediately, I knew Sarah was in trouble. Haphazardly ripping off and discarding my lab coat, I jumped over the desk and sprinted to my car as fast as was possible for someone like me, starting it and driving away frantically. I drove carefully, but purposely overrode the speed limit in my haste, praying the cops wouldn't be in the mood to bust anyone today.

My heart beating fast and breathing erratic, my mind raced astronomically quickly. I was in official panic mode, and even while driving, I strove to connect with her. I was even more alarmed to find that our connection had somehow been blocked, disengaged in a way that suggested my worst fears.

When I was only about two miles away, I listened for Sarah's heartbeat. It had been strong and rapid the day I'd left, for she knew me well enough to realize something had been off as I'd walked out the door. Now, her heartbeat was slow, non rhythmic, and I cursed myself for being right the one time I would have given anything to be proved wrong.

Jumping from my still running car, I ran the flights of stairs to her apartment and didn't hesitate to break down the door as her heartbeat grew ever weaker. Beginning to call out her name, my voice, along with all else, halted when the living space came into my vision.

Blood…blood everywhere… Finger smears on the walls, splotches on the couch, kitchen counters and floor, carpet especially, small spatters on the ceiling and dining room table…

A window with a view of the city was broken off to the side, blood staining the remaining shards, and I rushed to scan the ground below. Breathing a momentary sigh of relief at finding nothing, I quickly returned to trying to find some sign of not only the girl I loved, but what sort of horror had transpired here.

"Sarah!" Hearing nothing, I raised my voice, growing more desperate by the second; her heartbeat was nearly inaudible now, even to someone with my abilities. "_Sarah_!" Running to her bedroom, I slowed as I got to her doorway, my breath almost ceasing as her heartbeat retreated another few decibels.

I charged into the room, faltering just a few steps in and crashing to my knees, the oxygen in my lungs leaving me entirely. There, mouth slightly open and glazed eyes staring up at me blankly, as if silently crying out, lay my Sarah.

Her hair, clothes, and the carpet beneath her were matted with her own blood, some of the already dried, red liquid marring her still beautiful face; her skin was white as snow, her pulse nonexistent, and…her heartbeat had completely left my ears.

If I wanted to save her, I knew I had only one chance; no matter if I lived or died, I had to try. I loved her more than any actions or words, spoken or not, could ever articulate, and I was _not _about to let her go without a fight.

Grabbing the hand furthest from my own, I carefully hovered my body over hers, placing my other hand on her chest above her heart. Breathing in as much air as was capable of my lungs, lights flickered rapidly, my sensitive hearing catching the sounds of car alarms going off, as well as the screams of the civilians as every building within a ten-to-fifteen mile radius began to shake.

I focused every bit of the energy I currently had within my grasp into performing what I hoped would be a miracle, even emptying the reserve storages I'd been gathering for as long as I can remember. I kept the tears at bay as I thought of what would happen if this didn't work, shaking such worries from my mind; I couldn't let matters of that kind break my concentration when I knew they were incorrect anyway.

I was ready. Forcing all of the power I'd built up through my body and into hers in the form of an incredibly powerful electric shock, I gasped sharply as Sarah's body shot up in addition to mine. Due to gravity and my sudden lack of energy, I fell to the floor beside her, breathless and gripping her hand with as much strength as I had left, which was just enough to keep me mostly conscious.

My head swam dizzyingly, but I compelled myself to concentrate as I checked her vital signs, praying to come up with something, _anything_, as my world began to go black. My final glimpse of her lying there, so pale, so vulnerable, so seemingly far gone… I was aware of nothing further as my green eyes closed, my mind expelling one last prayer for her heart to beat.

* * *

_A/N: _Sorry this isn't very long! I have a bit more written, but I felt it was second chapter material, so... Oh, and for those of you who want things clearer, when Adam was listening for Sarah's heartbeat, his first talked about the day he left her, meaning she didn't know he was leaving, he just...did. Then, he talked about the present. obviously.


	2. Acceptance

Everything, all I'd ever known and loved, died with my Sarah that day. Her heart, despite my desperate efforts, never restarted. Stab wounds to her chest, grueling taser burns to her back and stomach, and a single gunshot wound to the back of the head after the initial beating had caused me to lose the love of my life that day.

The date: August 5th, 1985; time of death: 6:45 PM. It was hard to believe I'd lost everything in one night, but along with her, anything with meaning had gone, been for not. It didn't seem worth it to function without her, to go on while she couldn't do the same.

But, my stubborn Sarah…she would have forced me to face my problems, move on without her and make something of myself, as she had always believed I would.

I laid on my right side in my bed, silence reigning all around me. I shut my eyes tightly against it, as if it were a tangible thing come to attack me. I was surprised to feel a tear etch its watery way across the bridge of my nose before splattering soundlessly on my pillow.

Sarah would never have allowed any type of silence to enter this place, the apartment she had owned before that accursed day. She had never been pleased without music or some other sort of noise at home either… I hushed those thoughts as quickly as they had been introduced.

I'd needed to be in a place that still smelled of her, still reminded me of her, still _was _her. So, I paid the rent before moving out of our old apartment and moving in to hers, leaving everything as it was minus adding some of my own necessities.

In her bed each night, I was greeted with the same smell, the one I buried my head in the pillows, covers, and sheets to find: her. The entire apartment smelled like her, as ours had even as I'd left it, left her, so long ago. Her scent clung to everything, and I was filled with immense joy each time I breathed.

In my dreams each night, I would see her, simply staring and grinning at me curiously as she stood in an oddly colored expanse. I called out to her every time, but I'd always wake up before she could decipher the syllables broken by my tears.

This night, I felt emotionally exhausted. I had more than an inkling as to why, but I closed my eyes, willing all thoughts to keep at bay until at least the next morning. I felt myself fall into the abyss of sleep within seconds.

In my usual dreamscape, I opened my eyes, seeing the apparently everlasting vision just feet from me: Sarah.

She was gazing at me once again, but not with the usual expression on her face; this time, it was more…melancholy, thoughtful, a shade on the giddy side. I couldn't explain the smirk on my own face as I watched her in turn.

Taking a hesitant step toward her as I had done all these nights past, I was utterly astonished to find that she wasn't drifting away, wasn't fading, and I wasn't waking instantly. She must have noticed my perplexed expression because she giggled, a smile playing on her lips as she walked toward me.

My breath left me as she stepped up, her beautiful eyes fastening with mine as her cool fingertips cautiously rested like feathers on my temple. My eyes closed at her touch, and I was aware of all of my anxieties departing almost immediately. Her fingertips continued their slow journey down the side of my face, ending just to the right of my lips before retracting.

I opened my eyes to see her smile, a sight I had missed so very much. I was vaguely conscious of the hand playing with her hair out of pure bliss at seeing her again, but mostly, I focused on the sensation of absolute happiness she had brought me.

Tears gushed in my eyes as her silky brunette hair splayed across my hand, filtering through my fingers as the appendage occasionally moved to brush her creamily smooth skin. Her lips were lifted into a small, patient grin, my own smile growing as I watched her eyes burst with life for the first time since that day...

It was then I noticed the question in her eyes, and I sighed, lowering my head. The happy atmosphere about us had dulled slightly, and I knew I would have to explain myself.

Lifting my cranium, I looked at her intently for a long moment, trying to sift through a sudden onslaught of despairing emotions before I began.

"I can't go on with my life knowing you're not there… I can't go ahead with our arrangements without you, especially when they were meant to be carried out _together_," These were things I'd kept in my heart for a long while now, and it felt good to get them out in the open, despite the emotionally fluctuating circumstances. "There's no point in doing anything more with the research on the experiments unless you're going to be there, too, particularly when you don't even believe in what I'm doing."

The previous tears flooded my cheeks now, and I watched as she raised her hand to place it on my cheek, warming it in a way only she could. She smiled at me minutely, wiping some of the tears and their trails away with her thumb as she spoke.

"It may seem like that for a while, but you'll figure out what to do. No matter that I don't support genetically engineering humans; I completely understand why you would want to delve into such a thing. It was practically made for you," She laughed lightly; she had always loved teasing me about my unusual birth, and I never took any offense. I smiled at her. "I don't want to hear anything about you giving up all of your hard work just for me. You've worked far too hard for far too long just to throw it all away. I can't let you do that, Adam."

At the last sentence, her eyes softened, as did the tone and volume of her voice. A frown marred her features, and my body clenched at seeing her so sad; even worse, I had made her that way.

Quickly taking her hand in my own, I realized I had no choice but to agree. All the same, I couldn't find the strength within myself to let go yet. I would do all I could to keep her with me, no matter that I was being selfish. Thus, I began to conjure arguments I very well knew were senseless.

"You told me once you wanted to go wherever I went. Well, what if you lived through me? What if I lived your dreams for you?" Speechless for a second, her eyes widened. "We both know I can't do this alone! You know my limitations by myself; I'm not nearly as capable without you!" She opened her mouth, but I interrupted her before she could get a word in edgewise. I was letting down my guard to be truthful now, and I was desperate to finish. "You're always saying I'm the strong one, but you've always been able to handle things I couldn't. Whenever I needed you, you were always there to comfort me, to protect me, to love me, and I couldn't stick around long enough to do the same…"

By now, my voice had taken to shaking involuntarily with the force of the large bout of tears behind it. I compelled my knees to stop trembling by locking them, but found I was weakening at her next words.

"When I said I'd follow you, I meant it. I'd follow you around the world and back, but I've always envisioned you following your dreams and I following mine. That's all I've ever wanted to see. You've done many things alone, and I haven't seen any of these so-called 'limitations'. You are _just _as capable as me at everything, if not more so, and you know that. The thing that makes me strong is _you_; if you really knew me at all, and I know you do, you'd know I wasn't strong until I met you," That cut me like a knife, for she was right. I should and did know her better than anyone ever had, and I was not proving it this way. "I was your safeguard, which I loved, but when I crashed down, I needed you to be mine for once," It was in her eyes; she knew what I was doing and didn't like it. "I understand what you're going through, believe me. After you left, it was as if you'd died. I blasted my music louder than normal, I tried to get interested in your experiments, I practically lived in your bedroom in our apartment for a while just to be somewhere that resonated you… Nothing calmed me. Don't you see, Adam? Trying to keep you with me didn't work, just as trying to keep me with you won't work. You and I are the same."

Her truth-shining eyes burned into mine, and I couldn't help the sob that escaped me. I didn't want to accept it, but there was nothing I could do. Even through my grief, her next words were not lost on me.

"I forgive you."

I raised my head and stared at her out of disbelieving, wide eyes. She was…forgiving me? She couldn't forgive me that easily, not after all of the terribly unfaithful things I'd done to her…could she?

I wasn't sure, but the relief and shock those words brought forth seemed too much for me at that already vulnerable moment, and I crashed to my knees. The earlier tears were released, and like a dam looking to flood everything in sight, my face was cleansed with them a million times over. My shirt, too, was very soon soaked in the salty wetness, and I was powerless to stop the ambush as the guilt and utmost anguish that had built up over the last several months was finally gone from my heart and soul.

I only saw blurs of color through my tears, but I could make out the soft brown of her hair, the separate shades of blue in her jeans and shirt, the tennis shoes colored green to match my eyes: that was enough for me.

Reaching forward with lightning speed, I crushed her body to mine. She was here with me, had been watching over me, and I knew, eventually, she was going to have to leave me again. She was dead; she wasn't coming back, and though I knew it, there was no way in heck I was going to let her go again without first letting her know how much I did and would always love her.

Her arms around me, she held me tighter than I did her, her own tears mixing with mine as she buried her head in my shoulder and neck, I breathing in her scent as if I were to die within the next second.

Relinquishing her hold slowly, she beamed at me. Leaning forward, she kissed both of my cheeks gradually before moving to my lips. Kissing very slowly, very gently, very tenderly, we barely took notice of the water droplets continuing to cascade down our faces.

Though our lung capacity was far more than other humans', we eventually withdrew due to extreme air requirement, simply gazing at the other in utmost silence.

This was serene, pleasant, utterly beautiful; I could think of nothing as I sat with her, her hands gently clasped in mine as we remained lost in each other's eyes. Hazel and green danced, contrasted, blended, became one, and broke free again.

Giving me a small, sad smile, she opened her mouth, reluctantly breaking the silence with an even more disinclined message.

"I have to go now," I was called back to my senses at her words, my eyes widening. I automatically squeezed her hands unintentionally painfully, seeing her wince as I did so, but at this time, I was beyond comprehension. Frantic, I nearly screamed out my protests, fear gripping me so tightly I swear I couldn't breathe, but I was relaxed at her soft finger against my lips. "I'm sorry, but this is no decision of mine. We both know I would do anything to stay with you."

She moved one hand to soothingly clasp my forearm, her eyes not deterring from mine as she waited for a response, one hopefully calmer than the former. Through the tears congregating in my eyes, I took a deep breath, doing my best to keep composed.

"I can't stand the thought of being alone, Sarah." Tears entered her eyes as I spoke, and I poised my hand to wipe the tears away when they fell.

"You won't be alone. I'll be watching over you, comforting you even when you don't know I'm there. It won't be the same, and it will be hard, but if there's one person on this planet who can make it through this, it's you." She tried to smile encouragingly, but the tears had started flowing, and I ran my thumb over the wet trails to vanquish them. The torrent soon became more than my fingers could handle, and I carefully, caringly thrust her to me, enfolding my arms around her strongly.

She proceeded almost unintelligibly.

"I believe in you; I always have. I know, somewhere deep inside, you believe, too, but you won't accept it because a part of you still blames yourself for what happened to me, never mind that I've already forgiven you," Her breathing became choked as sobs threatened to overtake her again, but she held them back, wishing to speak a bit more prior to giving in to them. "Please…_please_ promise me you'll live your life. Live it _without _me, the way you would if I were there. If I have to beg, I will."

Her eyes, though still glassy with tears, were hard with resolve, and I knew she wasn't joking when she said she'd grovel at my feet. I inhaled deeply once more before letting it out.

If she loved me enough to push me away when it hurt the most, I was going to love her, too.

She rested her forehead against my own, closing her eyes as mine mimicked hers. It was silent again. I'd never realized how much I liked silence until meeting her.

The abstract, multicolored landscape surrounding us abruptly began to fade to pitch black, no color or light fragments visible at all. I didn't pay it a great deal of mind, merely fixated on the much missed sound of her blessed heartbeat.

A sudden aurora made itself known out of nowhere, bathing both of us in resplendent white light. Before my eyes could even hope to adjust, I felt her slipping from my hold. I reached out for her instantly, frenetically, but even by then, she was too far away.

Unnaturally calm all of a sudden, I halted as she gave me a teary smile, one I couldn't decipher, but strangely understood. She was saying goodbye, forever this time, as I already knew, but there was one thing above all else being communicated through that smile.

I grinned halfheartedly past the tears threatening to spill over, her well-received words resonating in my head as the bright light swallowed me as well.

'_I love you, Adam…'_

* * *

Waking up oddly wide awake, I opened my eyes, the first words off my lips startling me.

"I love you, too, Sarah." I immediately sighed, sitting up in bed and stretching. Lifting my head, I smiled, throwing off my covers to step out of bed and wander over to the window. Pushing the curtains back, I saw it was just after dawn.

That made twenty-four months, seventy-eight days, fifty-six hours, three minutes, and eleven seconds following her death.

I had lost the battle after two full years of fighting it.

Yet, I was sure accepting defeat had never felt so...Sarah.

* * *

_A/N: Phew! This was a hard chapter to write! At first, I barely had any dialogue at all in the dream sequence, just descriptive paragraphs, but I thought that was boring, so I revamped it and came up with this. _

_A/N: For those of you who are confused, please write your questions wither in a PM or your review, for I realize this chapter may have had some inside meanings that may not have been caught._ _Oh, and the 'Sarah' part of the last line just means Adam never thought accepting defeat had never felt so beautifully relieving, and it was only that way because of Sarah._


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